E: Eye catching

Coffee houses provide any number of perks but one of the most popular is people watching. Today I sat against the wall in Starbucks and watched a never-ending stream of customers file in, order a caffeine hit plus some pastry to face Friday. I’ve used overheard conversations to start stories, plug in dialog, and add flavor to non-fiction. Aware that I’m behind in this blog challenge and trying to catch up one post at a time, this writer decided to find a likely subject and give him/her a life script. Who, what, where, when and why? The questions are endless once someone I find the right customer. And then….
Gloria is white, in her late twenties, brown hair just below her shoulders, green eyes and a well-tanned look that suggests she spends time outdoors. She moves with the easy grace of a fitness trainer. Gloria took her coffee and left without adding sugar or half & half. Tough—she takes her coffee straight. But what caught my eye was the dress. The lavender background has a plaited border around the collar and down the neckline that ends at her sternum. By the time she had picked up her order I knew she was the one. Her dress reaches min-thigh with a band of flowers just above the hem but the material stops at her waist. A large bow trickles out of hair above the bare back. No tan lines anywhere, just a good tan.
Gloria and her business partner run a trendy dress shop catering to the under thirty-five crowd. Call it Fashion Depot. Her partner is likely female and five years older. Together they make a good team.
Regular customers know that today Fashion Depot is having a 25% off sale until 2:00 PM and a large crowd is expected. Today will be a good day, all day. This evening she will join her boyfriend for dinner and a drink to celebrate the store’s success.
Or maybe she lost a bet and her boyfriend chose the dress. In that case it will be an interesting day for the new secretary at Wells Fargo Mortgage. She’s already planning her revenge.
How would you modify or enhance the story I have here? Post your changes below. TR



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mandy Wallace
    Oct 04, 2014 @ 04:48:57

    How fun! A chance to be a part of your story.

    I’m liking the dress as a lost bet idea. The picture you included looks like an evening dress. So it made me wonder why she’s wearing an evening dress to pick up her morning coffee. Definitely a bet gone wrong. And her revenge? She sets up her boyfriend in a bet he’s sure he can’t lose. And when he loses, *he* has to wear the dress to a baseball game. Dun-dun-DUN!



  2. terryredman
    Oct 04, 2014 @ 07:07:21

    you have a wicked sense of humor–I like that! you chose revenge x 3.



  3. JasmineDLowe
    Oct 07, 2014 @ 19:00:03

    I definitely see this woman running late for a wedding. You see, outside the Starbucks, and around the corner, is a car full of women wearing the same dress. The woman you described at the popular coffee shop had complained for ten minutes straight in the speeding vehicle how she can’t function without coffee.

    The car stopped abruptly near the cafe and the door swung open with the woman you described nearly falling out of the vehicle. She awkwardly jogs inside and orders her drink to go knowing that the bride will kill her if she finds out that the woman was the one who made everyone late…

    However, I think your story seems more plausible.



  4. Joan Lindsay Kerr
    Oct 08, 2014 @ 06:40:43

    Terry, I am even farther behind than you are! We are both on E, but you posted it several days before I did! I love the idea of latching on to a person you see to come up with a story idea! As a writer who focuses entirely on non-fiction, I am in awe of those of you who come up with original stories out of your imagination! This is a good strategy to get started!



  5. Anna Stewart
    Oct 13, 2014 @ 07:41:55

    Oh what fun! And she is definitely a milk-and-creamer girl…in a borrowed lost bet dress…drinking her coffee black because she thinks that it makes her look cool and confident…and because she’s already planning to “spill” it on the dress…so she can have an excuse to change into some slacks.



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October 2014
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